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okay, so i decided to enter a happy entry for a change! neat. [Apr. 17th, 2005|11:27 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |mcr-helena]

okay the last two days have been alot of fun and ive only consumed half a beer. yesterday i worked but okay i need money, then i went to a bon-fire a ambers and i chilled there for a while with her and mel good time. then rosie and i were gonna go bowling... but we decieded saran wrapping high schoolers cars would be so much more fun. we did that and sorta mingled with them as one by one they left and found theyre cars... we finished the last beer of the case that was dwelling in my room *tear* time to buy more beer! then today i went shopping, its been so long. i got this gorgeous tank thats all sparkly from target and some awesome shoes to go with it. its perfect wear for going out! yay. then i got ** fazolis ** for dinner. hhhmmmm. then i went to kohls (cuz rosie said they were open til 9- she lied.), but they closed at eight. so i went to shopko, even tho im still mad at them for not carrying calculators, but w/e i got some really cute socks and underwear!

im doing lots of chores around the house, cuz my mom said shed take me to rogans, theyre having buy one pair of chucks get one half off! isnt that super exciting, and i totally feel about 12 now, saying im doing chores for my mom to get stuff. but its the end of the sentence thats important i get stuff, aka CHUCKS!

there is one sad thing i wanna talk about in this entry. friday night when i was at work, a homeless man came in got pizza. he said that he had spent all day scavaging for the change to but the pizza. i didnt even wanna take his money, but i also didnt want to make him feel bad either. amber d. and i decided that we would just give him some free breadsticks.. but i really wish that there was more that i could do. however, i realize once again, how well i really have it. it brings me to tears that ppl have to live like that in one of the richest countries in the world. and to think most of us are really only a couple finacial diasters away from it too. i really think that im gonna look into helping out at loaves and fishes again or something.i can most def. donate my time.

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it's barely afternoon, and today fucking blows. [Apr. 14th, 2005|12:24 pm]
[mood |drainedannoyed--hardcore!]
[music |ohio is for lovers - hawthorne heights]

okay, this morning, i awake early so i can leave early and study for math. i should have known the shitty day awaiting me, when i crawl downstairs to have a bowl of cereal and there was no milk. yay. and by that i mean i was super hungry all morning. then i get ready and my hair does not cooperate at all, so its up now. i drive into town realizing as im driving and doing my makeup at the same time. i do not have a calculator with me for my math exam. well, first things first, i need to deposit my check, so i do that. i go to shopko, the closest place to my bank, guess the fuck what?! shopko didnt fucking have calculators! they have no calculators theyre fucking retarded! ahhh! so after wasting that ten minutes i run to target. cuz well i know right where everything is in target. i grab it, get stuck in line there. then i decide to take johnson st. to school, bc the way my day was going id be stopped by a train. well, fate was much more cruel. there are a total of twelve stop lights from taget to school that way, i got stopped at nine of them on my way to school. i finally get there at 10:30, oh did i fail to mention my math class starts at 10:30,i didnt have anytime to study. im sure i bombed the hell out of the exam! then i found out my $100 deposit is due for next semester to register for classes sooner. and well, i guess i'll never be able to save money for a car, and will be doomed to walk this planet. i guess there are worse things, like polluting the earth and the sky-rocketing oil prices! oh then i had a friend lie to me and one ignore me today, when i really just needed someone to fucking talk to. oh well, im going for a nice long walk around town, aka ill be back in 15 minutes, cuz i will have walked the entire twon of van dyne by then.

peace out. i hope your day is better than mine.
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i got crunk at hockey game. [Apr. 12th, 2005|12:10 am]
[mood |indifferentindifferent]
[music |fall out boy.]

i dont update this entirely enough, but ive been busy. i should really be studying right now. i dropped my anthro class, thank god. im glad im done with it.

i cant really remember pre-saturday, so well... saturday: i worked 11-7 then i went to the bears game and drank with rosie.. i heart her and miss her, this summer shall be a fun time, one of the last well have together *tear*. after that she dropped me off by sara, sarah, and leal at a party. it was lame, the guy i liked was on another chick, i was entirely sober, and the cops kept going past and stopping at the house. it sucked.

sunday, i worked all day and went for a walk when i got home at seven. watched some tv and bed.

today was super lame too; class (video- that was uber-depressing)then my highlight of my day, playing at lake-side park, then politics lecture.. then i did some studying and went to work for seven hours and now im here. yea.

tomorrow>> same damn thing, class, work, etc. my life has become way to routine, i think thats why i dont update enough, everyday- i went to class, i worked, and i went out and drank. wahoo.

im excited for this weekend, i work all night friday, and all day saturday but i get done at seven then i dont work at all on sunday so i can go out then. but i really dont have time to go out this week with my upcoming exams--that i need to do well on.

anyway, peace... i need to study and sleep.
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ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow [Apr. 3rd, 2005|03:03 pm]
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Helena-MCR]

im in hella pain. the show last night was great fun. but i cant really lift my right arm all to well. im glad i knew some ppl there, i was afraid i wouldnt cuz i went by myself but it was okay. the highlight of the evening was sitting behind schmittys next a dumpster just drinking the champion of beers, miller high life. good times. lol. anyway yea, friday night was too much fun. i was really wasted. and i got played again, well fuck that shit. no more. im out of the making out with new ppl game, or im just not going to get attached anymore, aka not spend an hour of my life getting to know someone just to have him not even call or anything. oh well, life goes on. and so will i. i had a fun day, i walked to the park here in van dyne. i got to swing on the swings as i hummed swing life a way to myself. then i laid out on the deck to get a tan. i dont want to be reflective anymore. i just wish i wasnt all bruised.
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ten nine eight seven six five four three two one..... [Apr. 1st, 2005|12:35 am]
[mood |worriedpanicy -not a word, but w/e.]
[music |Bright Eyes****]

okay, i need to breathe before i just fall over dead. im so stressed. it just seems like for everyone thing that goes right, there are three things that go really wrong. i cried again today. im pathetic. theres so much going on right now, i should really just be typing my paper right now. well guess, i prefer to procrastinate. i need everything that happened to me today to set in. like getting ripped off sixteen of my hours on my paycheck, getting an offer to help me buy a car even w/o credit, not having money, or car, getting whistled at by a cute boy, working for seven hours, going to class all day, running errands, did i mention im out of money and i got paid yesterday... and there are a million other things going on right now. my heart keeps racing, im in like a perma-panic attack and sometimes i realize that im not breathing. and it sucks.

my life has become a cycle. class, work, party, pass out. im not satisfied. im still alone, in so many ways. nobody really knows the whole story and not so sure if i like it better that way yet. i really wish there was someone that i told everything to, but id feel bad... cuz theyd have to listen to bitch alot, well, like anyone who reads this shit. but you dont even know the half of it. i cant wait for summer and thats so sad bc i just got back from spring break. but i just want school to be over with. there is a program this summer worth credit and only 800 bucks to do a lewis and clark expedition in montana, and im really considering it, i need to experience other shit that is not in wisconsin. i need to get away for AWHILE. i really just feel like fast-forewarding my life.

well, im gonna go and pretend to read the shit i have to for my paper i will type tomorrow morning and listen to bright eyes.

quote of the night (from saved!):
mom-"i just try to remember, when God shuts a door, he opens a window."
mary-"yea, so we have something to jump out of."

ps early congrats to mindy for this weekend.
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to set the record straight. [Mar. 25th, 2005|11:27 am]
[mood |aggravatedAS:FHWEIOWSDGB@Q#(W#NVDON!!]
[music |slipknot--- DUALITY! *u know im pissed now*]

i dont talk shit about ppl, unless i can say it to their faces. thats it, i dont know where shit is coming from, but i never said these alleged things. ps im super pissed off. whatever, see what i mean by i shouldnt care anymore, ppl lie, and i get the grunt end of things. i be-friend someone, everyone tells me its a bad idea. shes never ever hurt me, shes actually been one of the very few thats helped me in the last couple of weeks dealing with shit, and we dont talk about ppl that go to our school or anything, we talk about the parties weve been at, and the issues that come up there, aka the frat house. i had boy issues and she was the only one who even knows the guy, that i hang out with at all. and well, personally im everyones friend until they wrong me in some way. that does not qualify her, who has only listened to me when i needed it and partied with.

ppl shouldnt believe everything they hear, and should most def. check the facts.

other than that, just another reason to sit in my room (not leave ever!) and cry. but i wont, im going outside to get fresh air before i work 8 hours on my last official day of spring break. yes.
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ive been neglecting you. [Mar. 24th, 2005|11:45 pm]
[mood |drunkout of it.]
[music |RISE AGAINST, i cant stop listening to them.]

i feel bad, not writing in this wonderful lj, in so long, ive been figuring out my space. i really think ive been neglecting everything in my life right now. everyone, everything, and even myself, its just easier to pretend nothings wrong than, actually deal with, and for some reason this is way worse. ive cried seriously like 10times in the last three days, and if you know me, you that i dont cry, like ever. i dont really like conveying my weaknesses. we all have to do it sometimes i guess, but i mean the pathetic thing is that i sit and do it by myself, i sit in my room and cry. i hate vunerability, cuz then i can get hurt. im so sick of this hurt feeling. yea, anyway..... check out my.space>>> its a good time i have anti-bush video in it! neat, hopefully i write again soon, but right now i have to stalk my lj and dj friends that i neglect.

ps were drifting, and i dont know if i care.
you dont know who you are.
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i'll call u... [Mar. 14th, 2005|11:45 am]
[mood |confusedconfused--boys suck.]
[music |"Great Romances of the 20th Century" -tbs duh!]

okay, so ive been hangin with sara, and im really glad, cuz now i know that i can always find a party. saturday night, me and this guy tyler fooled around, we didnt have sex or anything but he promised to call the next day, and i got the vibe that he liked me. well, he called me again that night and he gave us a ride home. but then he still hasnt call me, and i feel sick, cuz we did stuff that i had never done before and what he had claimed to not have done. anyway, i think i got played. last night sara and i went to friend johns house. well, i was sulking from the night before remorse. i fooled around with this shane guy, we did even less than what i did with tyler, i used shane to make myself feel better, i turned into a player too.what a vicious cycle. i doubt either one will call me, but w/e time to move on. and i have learned my lesson no more making out with ppl that i meet that night, no matter how drunk you really are. damn.

p.s. today is mel's 19th bday, and i would like to wish her a very special day and i hope this year is better than the last.
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it's been way too long.... [Mar. 4th, 2005|11:30 am]
[mood |depressedsad, irratable, & apathetic]
[music |tell all your friends...]

okay, i will try to update this again, i was going to on monday. but yea, it froze on me. but w/e. this week has been uneventful. i did find out aj will fix my car for only three-hundred dollars! thats the only good news i have had in a while. it seems as tho i have caught the depression bug. yea, it sucks, and so does everything else right now. yea well, i quit smoking. im uber irratable right now, and thatll prolly last til tomorrow when i go to a house party i plan on going to. good fun. i guess, im so apathetic its digusting. okay well, thats about it.

here's some tbs for your enjoyment:
Ur lipstick, his collar..dont bother Angel
I know exactly what goes on
When everything ull get is
everything that uve wanted, princess
(well which would you prefer)
My finger on the trigger, or
Me face down, down across ur floor
Well just so long as this things loaded
And will u tell all ur friends
uve got your gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
& will u tell all ur friends
uve got ur gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
lets go...
Dont bother tryin to explain Angel
I know exactly what goes on when ure on &
How about Im outside of ur window
Watchin him keep the details covered
Ure such a sucker
for a sweet talker, yeah
(the only thing that I regret is that I, I never let u hold me back
Hopin for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if u dont ever tell me
I know u well enough to know u never loved me
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if u dont ever tell me
I know u well enough to know..
Why cant I feel anything
from anyone other than u?
& all of this was all ur fault
& all of this
(I stay jealous)
I stay wrecked & jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep u in mind
as something larger than life
(shell destroy us all before shes through
& find a way to blame somebody else)
I stay wrecked & jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep u in mind
as something larger than life!

ps go to my space; http://profiles.myspace.com/users/20257471
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i am feeling a bit better now... [Feb. 22nd, 2005|11:16 pm]
[mood |boredbored with myself]
[music |"Pardon Me" -Incubus]

and i def. mean a bit. i really hope that just one good thing could happen this week, even if its just for a friend, so that i can i feel better. i hope things start looking up. i should be really grateful, i have my life. and a roof over my head, and food to eat, but i feel unsatisfied, and well frankly greedy for needed more. either way i still feel like shit. ps i am uber excited for my weekend off, and hanging with rosie in honor of her bday! that shall be the highlight of this drab month.

ive been thinking, im gonna start searching for a new job. i was thinking about bartending at some place like jukebox charlies or callahans or something. it could be fun and itd have to be better than the scheitzkopfs i work with at lc.

i think im just getting tired of routine. i need a change.
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