|ten nine eight seven six five four three two one.....
||[Apr. 1st, 2005|12:35 am]
|||||panicy -not a word, but w/e.||]|
okay, i need to breathe before i just fall over dead. im so stressed. it just seems like for everyone thing that goes right, there are three things that go really wrong. i cried again today. im pathetic. theres so much going on right now, i should really just be typing my paper right now. well guess, i prefer to procrastinate. i need everything that happened to me today to set in. like getting ripped off sixteen of my hours on my paycheck, getting an offer to help me buy a car even w/o credit, not having money, or car, getting whistled at by a cute boy, working for seven hours, going to class all day, running errands, did i mention im out of money and i got paid yesterday... and there are a million other things going on right now. my heart keeps racing, im in like a perma-panic attack and sometimes i realize that im not breathing. and it sucks.
my life has become a cycle. class, work, party, pass out. im not satisfied. im still alone, in so many ways. nobody really knows the whole story and not so sure if i like it better that way yet. i really wish there was someone that i told everything to, but id feel bad... cuz theyd have to listen to bitch alot, well, like anyone who reads this shit. but you dont even know the half of it. i cant wait for summer and thats so sad bc i just got back from spring break. but i just want school to be over with. there is a program this summer worth credit and only 800 bucks to do a lewis and clark expedition in montana, and im really considering it, i need to experience other shit that is not in wisconsin. i need to get away for AWHILE. i really just feel like fast-forewarding my life.
well, im gonna go and pretend to read the shit i have to for my paper i will type tomorrow morning and listen to bright eyes.
quote of the night (from saved!):
mom-"i just try to remember, when God shuts a door, he opens a window."
mary-"yea, so we have something to jump out of."
ps early congrats to mindy for this weekend.